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Cha.....cha...cha..Changes!!! - Buxom and beautifull

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August 9th, 2004

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10:35 am - Cha.....cha...cha..Changes!!!


                  I strayed of my diet a little this weekend but I do not feel guilty. NOPE...because I know that feeling badly about it cannot change it and will most likely make me cheat again.  So I cheated on my diet and I am okay with it, and will just work harder to stop next time. I put up some insperatinal posters on my fridge that I drew.  One is of a heart and asks if what I am about to grab is okay for it.  ( beacuse i am afraid of having a heart attack since that is how most of my family goes out), and then a poster for GOT WATER? Since I am only drinking water and non calorie, sodium, caffiene drinks.  Maybe that will help me think better when I have major cravings, but then again maybe not.  Just gotta keep going for it.  I know I veiw food as somehting other than food.  It is my comfort, my worst enemy and my vice. Other people drink, or do druge, I over eat.  It is an addiction just the same.  I know that.  I know it is not just going to be something I get over in a day, but I am working on it and I am proud of what I have done so far.

                 I have been keeping up with my excercise though!!!  I did my Bowflex on schedule and my cardio. I am going to add an afternoon jog to my list before I pick up my hubby.  *sighs*...Just gonna have to  put on two bras and hope for the best with that one.  But i am going to do it.  I need to be motivated and I know that jogging makes me sweat and is sweet for my goals.  

             Excercise has become something more to me than excercising. Each revolution of the wheel, or each step I take I see as changing me into a new person, I see it as changing my life.  We all have things in the past we wish we could change, things that we just cannot let go.  Well I visualize myself letting go and getting over my past as I excercise.  Each step I take takes me further from that place, further from the guilt of the past, further from the girl I was then, and closer to the girl I always wanted to be, both physically, mentally and spiritually.  It is cleansing to my body and my mind to excercise.  Literally I am pedling away, running from and walking away from destructive behaviors and embracing a new way of life, a new way to see myself, a new way to see others.  I am addicted to the feeling that I am getting. I feel so happy after a nice sweaty work out.  I feel like slowly I am chaning and evolving and I cannot wait for another small change to occur in me during my next workout.  I have the need to prove to myself that I am different now, that I am achieving my goals and being good to me for once.  And by being good to me I am good for others. *smiles*

             Here is to today's goals, and tomorrow success.  *smiles* Keep going, keep trying, keep with it.
good luck everyone

Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: beastie boys- triple trouble

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